The holidays are here! Gorgeous smiling faces on the television commercials exude the joys of materialistic holiday bliss. It seems simple. Go out and spend at least one weeks salary on a bunch of stuff and have fun! But it really isn’t that simple is it? The holidays often contain layers of conundrums for gifted children.

 

First are the holiday parties and performances which just beg our children’s social anxieties to come out and play. It’s so hard to carry on an adult conversation with a child wrapped around your leg like a koala bear.

 

And then there’s the clothing. Children with tactile sensitivities refuse to wear the fancy clothes in which many children joyously adorn themselves. We want our precious little girl to just put on the pretty red velvet dress and black patent leather shoes and call it good. But “no.” She insists on wearing her favorite oversized sweatshirt that she has been wearing for the last two weeks. After all it is so soft. 

 

Once that gets sorted out, we have to contend with the array of unhealthy food everywhere we turn.  People and stores are handing out candy that seems to turn little Johnny into Mr. Hyde. And the melt-down is on!

 

But that is just the beginning. The child whose family celebrates Christmas has so many questions about the feasibility of this whole Santa thing. The child may be torn between idealism and logic. When he/she finally figures it out, the confusion is only compounded. Why would my love ones deceive me? They tell me not to lie but they have been lying to me. Enter pain and confusion. Happy Holidays!

 

While many kids enjoy the fun commercials, some gifted children may see the ulterior motives of marketers and may find the holidays stripped of meaning. I have seen some gifted children refuse to ask for presents for this very reason.

 

So what is the parent of a gifted child to do?

 

In efforts to help, I offer the following:

 

 

1. CHOOSE EVENTS THAT FEEL COMFORTABLE

    There are a myriad of events from which to choose but you do not have to attend them all. Make decisions based on desire instead of obligation. Choose the settings that are most comfortable for your family. 

 

2. COMPROMISE ON CLOTHING

     If you are attending an event that requires nicer clothing, let your child select something in advance that is a step up from their everyday wear but still comfortable. You may have to let go of some expectations and shirk off your own worries about what others may think. 

 

3. HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN

     If your child tends to get overwhelmed in large social situations, plan for this ahead of time and be realistic. When initially laying out the plan, talk with your child about the importance of trying to find quiet spaces at the party instead of just leaving immediately. Your goal is simply to extend your child’s ability to tolerate the situation. If possible, arrive early and designate a quiet place that your child can go to escape all of the noise and other incoming stimuli. You can establish a code that he/she can give you when the need arises to utilize the plan. When you meet your child in the designated place, try to keep your frustration at bay by speaking in a quiet tone and slowing down your speech. Praise your child for knowing when to take a break and practicing good self care. 

 

4. KEEP PRESENTS TO A MINIMUM

     We parents are masters of the guilt-fest. Sometimes, in efforts to alleviate those feelings, we give a little too much. Overindulging our children can have negative ramifications. It is important for children not to receive everything they ask for right away. This helps with impulse control and fosters delayed gratification. Children who believe in the man in the red suit may be a little less disillusioned down the road if he has not been the primary source of gifts. Have the bulk of gifts come from family members instead of Santa.

 

5. INSTILL THE CONCEPT OF CONSENT

     The holidays are traditionally a time of bringing together family and friends. As parents, we often feel a pull to have our children express affections to their aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. in the form of hugs and kisses. Some children are completely comfortable with this, while others really struggle with that level of intimacy. Adults should always ask children before initiating physical contact and respect their response. Our children need our help to navigate this confusing aspect of the holidays. We can help them by telling family members about our belief in the message that children do not have to give affection to others if they do not feel comfortable. You can suggest that family members ask if the child wants to give a high-five or a funny handshake and that the adult honor the response. Children are generally much more comfortable with this approach. Remember to apply this rule to mall Santas as well.

 

6. EXPLAIN TRADITIONS

     Sometimes we practice traditions without explaining the history behind them. Seek out books which explain the origins of some holiday traditions and read them with your child. 

 

7. FOOD

     Some foods seem to have a dramatic impact on children who are highly sensitive. During the holidays, we can make ourselves crazy trying to control this too much. Remember that the eating lifestyle in your home is going to have a stronger impact on your child’s future dietary habits than the few weeks that make up the holidays. At the same time, let extended family members know that you are trying to keep high fructose corn syrup, food dyes and other ingredients you identify to a minimum. If you are bringing food to an event, provide a healthy option. You can casually fill your child up on nutritious food before attending an event that you know will offer unhealthy temptations.

     

8. DOWN TIME

     Children need time to be alone and recharge after taking in all of that stimulation. Be intentional in building in down time after each event. Discuss the need for down time aloud to raise your child’s awareness to his/her own energy levels.

 

9. EXERCISE

     Exercise is so important, and even more so, if you have a child with characteristics of combined or hyperactive ADHD. Provide your child with plenty of opportunities to release some of that energy prior to holiday events. Some options are running, jumping on a tramp, a family outdoor game of hide and seek, a long walk or snowshoe, a pogo stick, and for older children, even lifting weights.

 

10. PRESERVE FAMILY TIME

      Designate time to spend together as a family watching holiday movies, playing games or going ice skating together. Have everyone contribute to the planning.

 

The biggest key to enjoying the holidays is be aware of our expectations and keep them in check. Allow yourself to let go of your visions of how things should be and just enjoy what is. Happy Holidays!