This summer, my son got a job at the small market down the road. He was excited about earning his own money and his father and I were glad that he would have something productive to do this summer. But having a job isn’t just about the money. It is all about the learning. And when you’re 13, nothing boosts executive functioning quite like a job. Our executive functions are those skills controlled by the pre-frontal cortex that enable us to complete tasks. A person can be intelligent, but without strong executive skills, they are going to have a hard time getting much done.
The learning kicked in right from the start. First, he had to get up his courage, go in the store and ask for an application. Then he had to complete it and turn it back in. This process called upon his skills of planning and prioritization.
The next step was for him to submit a list of days that he was available to work. This meant that we all had to sit down with the calendar and plan out our next month. He wrote down the days he could work and emailed them to his new boss. Those planning skills were getting a good workout now!
Once he got his schedule, he had to create a system to help him keep track of the days he was working. He started with the calendar on the fridge, but then realized that he needed to have it on his phone so that he could have access to it when he was out and about. Hello organizational skills!
And, of course, time management got a boost as well. He had to figure out how to get ready for his work day so that he could make it to work on time.
He got into a groove and everything was going along smoothly until…
We were 5 miles in on a family hike when one little bar of cell phone coverage permitted a text to come through to my phone. He had been scheduled to work that day and had not shown up.
The stream of thoughts surging through my mind went something like this:
“Oh no! I messed up. Oh no! He messed up! They are going to think that I’m an irresponsible parent. They are going to think that he is an irresponsible child. Maybe he is an irresponsible child. I should never have left him in charge of his own schedule. Why did I do that? I have to fix this. How can I fix this? How soon can we hike out of here? How did this happen? What happened? I don’t want them to think badly of me. I don’t want them to think badly of him. What if he gets fired from his first job?”
It took a few minutes for me to remind myself that this was his problem to resolve… his opportunity for learning. This was not about me.
I cooled my jets and put things back into perspective. As I stood looking at this beautiful alpine lake, I glanced over at my son and saw the look of concern on his face. He was worried. I realized that his mind was racing through its own barrage of self-defeating thoughts.
I thought about the school board meeting that I had missed last month because I had forgotten to put it on my calendar. I remembered how bad it felt. This child of mine is not irresponsible. He is human - like me.
I asked him what he wanted to do about the situation. He was at a loss. I suggested that he try to send out a reply text to apologize to his co-workers and let them know that he would not be able to come in. He did this and thankfully the text actually went through. This seemed to bring him some relief as we continued our journey out of the wilderness.
As we walked and talked, we were able to determine what had happened. My son had overlooked a couple of days on the new schedule. We talked about what systems he could put in place in the future to decrease the chances of this happening again. And there it was like a beacon in the night… flexible thinking. The executive skill that allows us to let go of our ingrained thinking and entertain alternative possibilities.
I am happy to report that everything turned out okay. A kind co-worker had covered his shift. His boss was forgiving and didn’t fire him. And my son has received a summer of education without even knowing it.
