Admitting that we have made a mistake is hard.  It is particularly hard for those of us who are perfectionists.  It begins with an intense internal process in which we grapple with the fact that we messed up.  We realize how it impacted others.  We get angry with ourselves.  We go through a little self-loathing…okay maybe a lot.

 

Behaving in a way that causes regret is painful.  However, this process is an essential part of our growth.  We must recognize our shortcomings, find the lesson in them and move on.

 

How do our children learn to deal with their mistakes?  By watching us.  Our daily behavior is our most influential teaching tool.  

 

One of my greatest teaching opportunities for my children resulted from a purely embarrassing morning of pathetic parenting.  I did everything wrong.  I lost my cool.  I threw my son's book into the snow.  I yelled.  I slammed the car door.  I made them cry.  Then after dropping them off to school in a whirlwind of fury, I calmed down.  I reflected and I did not like what I saw.  First, I got angry at myself and beat myself up.  Then I realized that I still had a chance to turn the situation into something positive.

 

I decided to write letters to both of my children.  I knew that they would hear my writing much more than my spoken word.  I told them that I had not handled things well.  I told them that I love them so very much.  I told them that I was sorry and that I would try to handle things better in the future.  I resisted the urge to justify my behavior.  

 

Later that day, when they got home from school, my children read the letters I had placed on their pillows.  They said nothing, but they each let me know in their own way that they forgave me.  

 

A couple of years later, my daughter's letter is tucked away amongst her keepsakes.  My son's still remains on the shelf at his bedside.  On occasion, I hear them take responsibility for their behavior with each other and I smile to myself.  Lesson learned.