Bright people experience the world deeply.  The vast range of emotions are complex and intense with extreme variations of highs and lows.  Kazimierz Dabrowski, a Polish psychologist and psychiatrist, studied and documented these findings in the 1960’s.  He determined that the emotional intensity found in this population is rooted in a heightened response to stimuli.

 

A beautiful song may move one to tears.  Happiness may bring elation.  But this happens on the dark side as well.   Anger can boil up inside very quickly.  For some of us, this culminates in an explosion of verbal venom toward those we love the most.  For others, these intense emotions may prompt avoidance and lead to various avenues of escapism.

 

Our young children have not yet learned appropriate ways of coping with the intensity of their emotions.  They may cry easily, experience immobilizing levels of frustration or strike out at peers physically and/or emotionally.  

 

As parents, we often forget how we were as children.  It was so long ago and we are so disconnected from the little people we once were.  We get frustrated with our children and question if something is wrong with them.  Our worry compounds our own emotional intensity and... Voila’!…a  raging battle is born!  

 

In order to manage the emotional intensity of our children, we must heed the advice of flight attendant’s everywhere.  “Please put on your own oxygen mask before trying to help your child.”  So here are 5 tips for putting on your own oxygen mask first.

 

1.  Recognize your own intensity when it emerges.  Notice the urges it brings.

 

2.  Is your intensity hurtful to those around you?

 

3.  What are some things you can do to calm down BEFORE speaking or acting?  A regular practice of deep breathing can significantly decrease the intensity of our reactions to stress.

 

4.  Discuss emotional intensity with your children during a time when they are calm and focused.  Let them know that you understand how these emotions feel when they arise.