I often have parents ask me about how often their child should miss school if they aren’t sick.  I am going to share one idea and you can determine if it might work for your family.  

 

Our family policy was inspired by a dear friend who happened to grow up to be a school counselor.  Several years ago, she shared with me that when she was a child, her parents gave her one free day a year just to take care of herself.  I loved it the minute I heard it and knew that we needed to incorporate this philosophy into our family’s culture.  Upon agreement from my husband, “Take Care of Yourself Day” was instituted in our house.

 

This simple policy doesn't just provide a learning opportunity for our children; it offers one to us as well.  

 

First, we have to recognize when our child is having one of those days.  Sometimes, he/she may just be having a slow morning and need a little prodding or maybe it's a little more than that.  Perhaps it is the kind of day in which the child needs permission to just meet minimal requirements. When the child is burrowed under the covers sobbing, that is generally a sign that it might be a “Take Care of Yourself Day.”  Now this takes some shifting on our part.  We have to get our minds to adjust to the fact that we will have to stay home, miss work, skip that important meeting, etc. You know, the same process we have to go through when our child wakes up vomiting.  Once we have accepted that this is just as important as a sick day, the parenting magic begins.

 

Begin by checking in with the child to see if he/she wants to use this as their “Take Care of Yourself Day.”  Lovingly remind them that they only have this one day, then let them rest for a while. Once they are awake and have eaten, give them a computer, writing paper or colored paper.  Request that they write or draw (depending on their age) everything that is on their mind.  It doesn’t have to be complete sentences, just words.  Put on some calming music and leave the room for a while.  When you return, ask them if you can see what they wrote.  They may choose not to write anything.  Either way, see if they will tell you about it.  Just listen.  You will want to offer solutions, but they really need you to listen.  Just be there with them. Ask them what they need to do to take care of themselves today.  (Engaging in a video game extravaganza is not an option.)  Some may want to take a bath, play outside, get things done that they feel behind on, color, listen to music, read, etc.  This day is an opportunity for the child to realize what he/she can do to provide self-care when it is needed. This one day is preparing them emotionally for adulthood.

 

Besides the benefits already mentioned, a "Take Care of Yourself Day" offers the following gifts:

 

1.  By stating the policy before the school year starts, the child knows exactly what to expect in regards to missing school.

2.  The child learns to recognize his/her own signals that all is not well within.

3.  The child realizes that he/she can prioritize taking care of themselves.

4.  The child learns that well-being supersedes performance.

 

I realize that there may be other days in the school year that reach this level.  If the child is really struggling, you could consider letting them go in to school a few hours late.  I would not recommend making this a regular occurrence.  Stick to your guns on the one full "Take Care of Yourself Day."  

 

Our greater culture perpetuates the warped notion of ignoring our personal needs and pushing ourselves beyond our limits.  Is it really any surprise that rates of depression and anxiety are staggering?  We can begin to change this ideology by instituting good practices in our own homes.  Together, we can begin to make the world a healthier place... just by playing a little hooky now and then.